Thecuy, pernahkah kamu berpikir mengapa seseorang tetap bertahan dalam hubungan yang sebenarnya sudah membuatnya tidak bahagia? Bahkan, dari luar mungkin terlihat jelas bahwa hubungan tersebut tidak lagi memberikan kenyamanan.
Meninggalkan pasangan yang tidak baik memang tidak selalu semudah mengatakan “aku ingin putus”. Ada berbagai pertimbangan emosional, kebiasaan, pengalaman, hingga ketakutan mengenai kehidupan setelah hubungan berakhir.
Dilansir dari Psychology Today dan Health Shots, terdapat sejumlah faktor psikologis yang dapat membuat seseorang sulit meninggalkan hubungan yang tidak sehat. Beberapa di antaranya berkaitan dengan rasa takut kehilangan, investasi yang sudah diberikan dalam hubungan, harapan bahwa pasangan akan berubah, hingga rendahnya rasa percaya diri.
Lantas, apa saja alasan sulit meninggalkan pasangan meskipun hubungan tersebut sudah tidak baik? Simak penjelasannya berikut ini, Thecuy.
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<h2 class="fw-bold fs-5">1. Feeling the relationship isn't terrible enough to end</h2>
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<p>Feeling the relationship isn't bad enough to leave/ Photo: Pexels.com/ MART PRODUCTION</p>
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<p>One reason someone stays with a toxic partner is because they feel the relationship "isn't that bad". Even though they often feel disappointed, unappreciated, or lack a balanced contribution from their partner, they can keep convincing themselves that there are still things worth holding onto.</p>
This condition is related to loss aversion, which is the tendency of humans to feel losing something is more painful than gaining something new. In a relationship, leaving a partner means facing various losses, ranging from routines, time spent together, social life, to hopes that the relationship will improve one day.
As a result, a person may focus more on what they will lose by leaving rather than consider what they might gain after ending the relationship.
2. Feeling too invested in the relationship
Feeling too invested in the relationship/ Photo: Pexels.com/ cottonbro studio
Ever thought, “I’ve been with him/her for years, how can it end like this?” This kind of thought is quite common in long-term relationships. A person may feel they have given too much time, attention, energy, money, and sacrifice, making it hard to choose to leave.
This condition is related to the sunk cost fallacy. The concept describes a tendency for someone to keep holding onto something because they have invested a lot in it, even though the decision may not bring future benefits. As a result, a person no longer asks, “Is this relationship still good for me now?” but instead thinks, “If I leave, won’t all the things I’ve done become in vain?”
In fact, the time and effort that have been given are part of the past. Decisions about relationships should also consider current conditions and well-being.
3. Fear of regret after breaking up
Fear of regret after breaking up/ Photo: Pexels.com/ cottonbro studio
Besides fear of loss, someone may also find it hard to leave because of imagining the possibility of regretting after the relationship ends. For example, thoughts like, “What if after breaking up I can’t find someone better?” or “What if he/she changes after I leave?”
Fear of future regret can make someone choose to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Thoughts can also imagine various worst-case scenarios, such as ending up alone or seeing an ex-partner become better with someone else.
The problem is, those scenarios may not actually happen. However, because uncertainty feels scary, a person ends up choosing something familiar even though it doesn’t make them happy.
4. Still hoping the partner will change
Still hoping the partner will change/ Photo: Pexels.com/ cottonbro studio
Thecuy, hope can indeed be something that makes a person stay. When a partner has unpleasant behavior, a person may think that things will change one day. Especially if the partner has shown a good side or occasionally given attention after making a mistake.
That hope can make a person keep giving chances. People can stay in unhealthy relationships because they hope things will get better in the future, especially after feeling they have given a lot of time and energy to the relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with hoping someone will change. However, it’s important to see whether that change is truly happening through concrete actions or just empty promises that keep repeating. If the same pattern continues without any meaningful change, hope can instead make a person stay longer in an unhealthy relationship.
5. Feeling no control to leave
Feeling no control to leave/ Photo: Pexels.com/ Alireza Heidarpour
Not everyone who wants to end a relationship feels able to do so. A person may already realize that the relationship is unhealthy, but still feels powerless to make a decision. They could feel helpless, afraid of facing life after breaking up, or think they won’t be able to live without the partner.
Low self-confidence and feeling of no control are also factors that can make a person stay. This condition can also be related to learned helplessness, when a person feels there is no solution or way out of the situation they are facing. In such conditions, a person may need support from trusted people to realize that they actually have choices.
6. Tied to social and family environment
Tied to social and family environment/ Photo: Pexels.com/ Mizuno K
Breaking up with a partner means not just losing one person. In a long-term relationship, a person may also have a circle of friends, family, and even a social life that is connected with the partner.
Therefore, the decision to separate can feel much more complicated. A person may worry about how family will react, fear losing friends they have known together, or feel uncomfortable imagining having to explain the reasons for the breakup to others.
Connections with mutual friends and family, social norms, and even the presence of children can be factors that make someone find it harder to end a relationship. As a result, someone may choose to stay not because the relationship still makes them happy, but because they feel there are too many things to leave behind if the relationship ends.
7. Fear of experiencing heartache again
Fear of experiencing heartache again/ Photo: Pexels.com/ https://kaboompics.com/
Breaking up can indeed be painful. For someone who has experienced a severe heartbreak, the possibility of feeling the same pain again can be terrifying.
Therefore, even though they realize they are not happy with a toxic partner, a person may still choose to stay because they think the pain of breaking up will be harder to bear.
Previous heartbreak experiences can make someone reluctant to face another separation. In some cases, a person may become overly dependent on the partner and feel unable to live without them. However, fear of heartbreak does not always mean the relationship must be maintained. Sometimes, a person needs to give themselves a chance to heal and rebuild life outside the relationship.
Thecuy, there are many reasons it’s hard to leave a partner, even when someone realizes the relationship is no longer healthy. Having difficulty leaving doesn’t mean you’re weak. The decision to end a relationship can involve many emotional aspects and life experiences built up over years.
However, it’s important not to only look at what you’ve given in the past. Consider also how the relationship affects your current life and well-being. Because staying only because you’re afraid of losing something you’ve had for a long time doesn’t always mean the relationship is still worth maintaining. Sometimes, realizing that a relationship is no longer good for yourself becomes the first step to start choosing a healthier life, Thecuy.
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