Providing money to friends, family, or coworkers can indeed help them get through tough times. However, when it comes time to ask for the money back, some people feel uncomfortable or worried that the relationship will become strained. In fact, asking for repayment of borrowed money is not a wrong action.
Debt remains an obligation that must be repaid according to the agreement. However, the way it is conveyed needs attention so it doesn’t turn into a conflict. One can collect a debt politely by choosing the right time, respecting the debtor’s privacy, and using clear words and a good tone of voice.
When collecting a debt, the fear of encountering a situation where the debtor is more aggressive than the collector may still linger. Nevertheless, this does not mean you should disregard your rights as a lender. Just avoid anything that might trigger the borrower’s emotions while you claim your right.
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Illustration of a wallet / Photo: pexels.com/Ahsanjaya
Even though not everyone feels this way, many people hesitate to collect debts because they worry that the borrower will feel offended, think the collector doesn’t understand the borrower’s situation, or that the collector is more aggressive than they should be.
Such attitudes can arise when the borrower sees debt collection as a threat or a source of stress. Under pressure, a person may become defensive or even confrontational.
The more cornered a person feels, the harder it is for them to control their emotions. This is what sometimes causes the debtor to become more aggressive when being collected from, regardless of whether the money is eventually repaid.
It is important to understand that the discomfort experienced by the borrower is not a reason to eliminate their obligation. No matter how the borrower responds, collecting a debt remains the lender’s right.
However, debt collection should be done personally, calmly, and without threats or insults. Collecting debt by embarrassing someone, spreading the debt problem, or applying excessive pressure can actually worsen the situation and damage the relationship.
Ways to Collect Debt Without Offending the Borrower + Examples
Illustration of repaying debt / Photo: pexels.com/cottonbro studio
1. Collect Debt When There Are Few People Around or in a Private Place
Avoid collecting debt in front of many people, especially the borrower’s friends, family, or coworkers. Discussing debt in public places is likely to make the borrower feel embarrassed and more defensive.
If possible, convey it face-to-face or via a private message. Choose a time when the borrower is not in a hurry, working, dealing with family problems, or in a poor emotional state.
Example opening line: I’d like to discuss the money you borrowed yesterday. Do you have any suggestions for a time we could talk privately for a moment?
2. Collect Debt Outside of Busy Hours or High-Stress Situations
Collecting debt when someone is facing a work deadline, traveling, or dealing with personal problems can make the conversation more tense. The borrower may feel like they’re under additional pressure, and you risk receiving a less favorable response.
Communicate your intention at a more convenient time, such as early evening or late night after work hours, as long as it doesn’t interfere with rest time.
You can also send a preliminary message like this: Hi, I’m reminding you about the debt payment due next week. Can we discuss the payment plan this evening?
3. Encourage the Borrower’s Empathy for Your Situation
Avoid collecting debt in a confrontational manner, as it can make the borrower feel attacked and become defensive.
Simply share your situation honestly but gently. This way, you can invite the borrower’s empathy and motivate them to repay the money.
For example: I really need the money you borrowed yesterday to pay for some urgent needs. If possible, I hope you could return it this week.
4. Be Flexible, If Possible
 Debt collection / Photo: pexels.com/Tima Miroshnichenko / Photo: Amelia Rosa |
If the borrower is unable to pay the full debt, try to understand their situation. You can offer a solution that lightens the borrower’s burden but still doesn’t cause you a loss.
For example, providing a little extra time or asking the borrower to pay part of the debt first. The amount can be adjusted, such as a quarter or half of the total debt.
But remember, being flexible doesn’t mean allowing the debt to be postponed indefinitely. Ensure there is a deadline and a clear agreement. Avoid situations where the borrower only gives new promises without any certainty each time you collect.
Example of how to collect: If you can’t pay it all yet, could you return a quarter of it first this week? The rest can be paid x days later or we can agree on a payment date.
5. Send Reminders as the Debt Deadline Approaches
The existence of cases where debtors are more aggressive than collectors does not mean that all borrowers behave the same. Not all debtors intentionally avoid their obligations. Some are actually willing and able to pay but simply forget the agreed deadline.
There’s nothing wrong with sending a reminder a few days before the due date. Those who forgot will feel helped, or at least the borrower will have time to prepare the funds to be returned.
Another purpose of sending a reminder is to prevent the borrower from feeling surprised and stressed when suddenly being collected from.
Example of a sentence to remind the borrower to pay the debt: Hi, I’m reminding you that the debt payment of Rp500,000 is due this Friday. I hope it can be returned according to the schedule. Thank you.
6. Stay Calm
It’s perfectly understandable if you feel annoyed when the borrowed money is not returned quickly. There’s nothing wrong with feeling annoyed.
However, this does not mean you have the right to collect debt using harsh words that can offend the borrower and exacerbate the problem. Manage your emotions and convey the intention to collect the debt with words that are comfortable to hear.
If the conversation starts to heat up, you can pause for a moment and continue when the atmosphere is calmer. If the worst case occurs, after having been reminded several times but the borrower continues to delay without giving any certainty, you need to be firmer but still convey your intention with polite words.
Example: I understand that you are facing difficulties. However, I still need certainty regarding this debt payment. Please let me know by Friday latest whether you can pay in full or in installments.
If the problem continues to drag on and the borrowed amount is significant, you can ask for assistance from a trusted third party to act as a mediator between both parties.
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